Rock Bottom?

So its been awhile since I have posted anything. It seems that life kind of got in the way. I wish I had great things to say about how happy I have been and everything has been going so smooth but that is not the case. In fact it is quite the opposite. My life seems to be in utter chaos these days and I am finding it harder and harder to want to keep going.
I am getting ready to move my optometry practice to a new location. Top that with trying to still see patients while packing and organizing, it has me pretty stressed out. This alone has me down and frazzled. But I am also going through a divorce from my husband of almost 9 years. Our marriage has been rocky...that's for sure. As I look back I wonder how we got here. We have lost the trust and respect and love that every marriage should have. A little over a year ago he cheated on me with a woman whom he worked with. We decided to try to work on things and even tried marriage counseling. My heart just has not been in it for a little while now. I became friends with someone who actually understood me and the depression and the cutting. It wasn't long before I developed feelings for this guy, but these feelings were not reciprocated...he does not want to be with me. My husband found out and thus here we are...headed for divorce. It is definitely true that two wrongs do not make a right and I feel terrible with how I handled things. However, looking at the bigger picture I don't think Greg and I were ever a good fit. We seem to have stayed together for all the wrong reasons....the main one being out son. I have never felt like he loved ME...just loved the me that gave him our precious little boy.
I have been cutting again and have been suicidal. I don't want to wake up in the mornings and I am very sad. The cutting and self-harm thoughts that come with it only seem to make me more sad. At first I find relief but it only seems to last such a short time. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I feel so alone and so incredibly sad. I hate having to go out into the world every day and pretend like things are just great. I can't let the depression interfere with my work. At the end of the day I am so exhausted fro the "show" I have to put on all day long that I don't have the energy or the desire to be the kind of mother I want to be. I feel like this is about as low as I could get but then things could always be worse.