Wednesday, September 15, 2010
End of Childhood Dreams
Today has been one of the saddest days of my life. I had to let go of one of my most cherished childhood dreams. Today I decided to shut down my private practice. I am financially and emotionally unable to keep it open. I put everything I had into this business and the decision to close it did not come easily. I am drained and feel as though I have no other choice. I feel as though I am turning my back on my patients. Sure there are other eye doctors but no one can take care of them like me. I am embarrassed because I have failed. I am a FAILURE!!!!! The shame and hatred I have for myself is probably the worst it has ever been. I really don't think I could get any lower or hate myself anymore than at this moment. I am so ashamed.
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I'm so sorry that you had to make such a difficult decision. Remember that just because your private practice isn't open, doesn't mean you can't still care for your patients. I'll find you, no matter where you are - nobody looks at these eyes but you! I know it's always been your dream to have your own practice. That dream doesn't have to be over...just on hold for a while.
ReplyDeleteWOW what a hard decision to make. I'm sure for now it is the best decision to make. You need to focus on taking care of Carrie Ann! Your dream doesn't have to be over you can still have that dream. Sometimes we have to put things like that on hold. I have a saying hanging in my room that helps me some days. It says: "Sometimes you have to take a detour on the way to your dream-because a better one comes along."
ReplyDeleteYou never know what kinds of plans God has in store.
You just continue to focus on getting stronger, the rest will fall into place.
Oh, sweetie!!! You are most certainly NOT a failure. Anyone who has a Ph.D. in optometry is a hero in my book...no matter where you are working. The work and effort that goes into getting licensed to be an optometrist is insane. I know it is hard to believe someone when they tell you that because you have convinced yourself, but please try anyways. Just because this business did not work out does not mean a future business will not. You keep your dream and focus on the important nows. You are a hero to me...every single comment on my blog has made me feel better and a failure could not make me feel better!!! :) If you need anything at all!!!, please let me know. See you this Friday! :)
ReplyDeleteCarrie,
ReplyDeleteIt's been such an incredibly long time since I've seen you. I wish I had known some of these things while we were growing up. We could've had a chance to work through things together. My mom abused me growing up, both physically and very much mentally. I still have issues with it today.
Although what your going through right now is much different than what I went through, one thing I can tell you is you need to forget about making anoyone else in this life happy and focus on you.
I'm very sorry for the decision you had to make. You can look at this differently though. This has happened so you can truely focus on yourself and helping yourself to grow stronger. So strong the desire for self mutilation fades away. Although it will always be in the back of your mind, maybe during this time you can learn how to control it and move forward. Alex loves you so very much and needs you in his life. It's time now to put your foot down, don't care what others think, make yourself happy, and take back your life.
I love you Carrie, and miss you very much!
Hey...can we get an update? I'm worrying and curious about how you are doing. :) The three of us need to hang out again soon!!
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