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I realized it has been over a month since I last posted. I think it has a lot to do with me just being depressed. I would rather lie in bed than deal with anything or anyone. But for me that is not an option. I have decided to try to hold out closing my practice for the time being. Business has picked up a little which is a good sign. My biggest struggle right now is in dealing with being alone. There are times when I consider going back to Greg even after all he has put me through, without intentions from him to work on his own issues, and despite all the nastiness that has come from his family. I know mean things are being said because Greg tells me. And maybe its because he wants me to feel bad about myself.
For me low self-esteem has always been an issue. People who  don't know me well find this statement to be funny. I seem very confident especially in my work environment but inside it is a constant battle. I want everyone to love me and approve of me. I am well aware that we should not judge our own worth based on other people's opinions but that is one concept I cannot grasp. I see myself as a failure in all aspects of my life, as someone not worthy of love, as a generally bad person. All the negativity in my life at this moment just seems to justify my thinking. I have such a strong perfectionist attitude; I know I can never life up to my own expectations.   And so it has been within the safety of my own bed and idealistic dreams where I have found the most comfort as of late.