The First One

So I am not quite sure where to start. I considered starting at the beginning but then realized I don't even know where the beginning is. I started this blog as part of my therapy. We were told how much journaling helps but after writing all day long I really don't feel like going home and writing again. Also I feel like my experiences might help someone else who has ever had similar feelings or obstacles in their own life. One of my friends recently started her own blog and I find her words so inspirational so I hope that mine may do the same for someone. At times my feelings and thoughts seem so irrational and abnormal but I have found that they really are not. That is the goal of this blog.
I chose the title "In Repair" after one of my favorite John Mayer songs. Most of my life I have felt broken and have strive so hard to be "perfect". Now that I realize how unhealthy my attitude is, I have been working on changing it. Hence I am "In Repair".
And now for the therapeutic part.....
This week has been really tough for me. After being off work for almost a month I am struggling at work to get caught up. Right as I came back to work my assistant, who also happens to be one of my best friends, was told by her husband that he wanted a divorce. Not only did I have to try to run the office by myself but I was left comforting my friend when my life was still screwed up. She moved away over the weekend and I miss her terribly. This also forced me to relive my recent troubles with my own husband. One day he is telling me how much he loves me and the next he barely speaks to me. We have been living apart and trying to limit our time together. With our schedule and trying to do whats best for our son, it has been little tough. He told me that his family and friends do not support us getting back together. This hurts because I love them and would do anything for them. Despite all that has happened I want to rebuild our marriage. He tells me he doesn't know what he wants but he loves me. I just feel like if he really does love me he would make a decision already; after all it has been 4 months. After all the work and progress I have made in therapy, I feel like I have had a huge set back in the last 2 weeks. I have intense feelings of sadness and feel empty.  I hate the way I feel right now and just want to get better. My urges to harm myself have also intensified and I am struggling to control them. I am trying to surround myself with people who love me, take all my meds, and look at the positive side of things. Right now I am just extremely overwhelmed.